apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize