I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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