Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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