Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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