the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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