Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
