I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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