do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize