I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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