when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
