you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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