Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
