My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
