I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
