omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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