he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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