it's not cheating when I paid for it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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