Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
