How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
