i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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