nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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