Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
