We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
