what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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