forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
