Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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