apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
