so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
