Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
