we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
