the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
