...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
