Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
