where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
this will be a night to untag.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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