roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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