4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
