So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
