plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
