why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
