it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
