so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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