Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
