i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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