Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
