I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
