i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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