I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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