Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dick very happy bro
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
