proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
