My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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