dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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