Don't EVER smell your tampon
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
