haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she was so not down for the gang bang
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
