I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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