i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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