Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
