i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
