friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I fill condoms, not promises.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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