You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
