eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
