one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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