whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
