I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need a burrito and a hug.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
