he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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