so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
