Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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