i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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