I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
