Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize