If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
