I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When did angry sex become our thing?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
