fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Shitshow foam night was such a success
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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