Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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