I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
