hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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