hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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