Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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