this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
