Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
