he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
