you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
