Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
