he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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