mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
