I want to walk on stilts...naked
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
