I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
