I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize