Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
