Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
