Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
