dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
