the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize