i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
