My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
