Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize