Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
