Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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