Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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