I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
