Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
