maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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