Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's Friday. Sex?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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