All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
