So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
