I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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