I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
