I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize