i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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