just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
