omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
