I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
