Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
