I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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