Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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