I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I want a musical about memes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
