I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
